If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
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