When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Go to BabaMail
