What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
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