My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
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