I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
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