What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
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