The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
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