What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
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