What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
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