What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
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