Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
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