Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
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