You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
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