Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Go to BabaMail
