It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
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