I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
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