I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
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