Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Go to BabaMail
