Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Only a**holes use bidets.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
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