Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
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