My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
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