All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
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