I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Go to BabaMail
