Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
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