Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Biology - It grows on you.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Go to BabaMail
