What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
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