What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
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