What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
To get to the other tide.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
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