Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
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