A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
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