I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
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