A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
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