Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
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