What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
All stereos are so typical.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
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