What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
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