I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Go to BabaMail
