My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
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