Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
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