Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
All stereos are so typical.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
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