What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
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