What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
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