My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
All stereos are so typical.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
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