Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
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