A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
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