If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
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