My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
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