Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.