What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
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