Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
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