Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
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