Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
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