An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
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