To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
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