Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
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