Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
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