Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
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