What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
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