I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
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