I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
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