What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
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