why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Go to BabaMail
