Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Go to BabaMail
