I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
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