Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
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