I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
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