Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
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