My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
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