I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
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