Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
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